Unexpected life 

When I was pregnant sitting in my room , knowing that everything is planned and I’m good to go , I got offered to go to US and have my baby girl there , I was really scared but I liked the idea so at 33 week of pregnancy I flew to US to have my baby, not knowing what to expect.

Everything was perfect we were exploring Los Angeles , enjoying our days before the baby arrives .

And on my 38th week 12.12.16  I gave birth to my precious baby girl.

It became the best day of my life , emotions were so mixed , what I remember was that I couldn’t  sleep the whole night , barley standing by her and thinking that she is the best thing  I have ever seen, I was experiencing the kind of love I never knew. All the mamas know the the first month can be difficult with first baby ,because you are getting to know the  baby life ,breastfeeding and all of that . After one month I kind of felt like everything is under control and I got this !!! 

When Sophie just turned one month I remember I had the weird feeling of fear and worry, I couldn’t understand why I feel this way and in the middle of January suddenly we got a really unexpected call  from my dad, it was about my only sister, he told us that Ana is no longer with us.

After that call everything was in a blur for me I don’t remember much of it , but what I do remember that I couldn’t  concentrate on the motherhood and I did what I could at that point, but having Sophie  helped me so much I was always busy with the baby and she was my calming point . One day I noticed that from the stress my milk supply decreased and I didn’t have enough for my baby, she was only 3 month old, that made me think “I’m a mom who can’t feed her child and I was feeling so guilty  , tears just kept on coming I couldn’t keep them to myself“

When my husband saw me crying , he obviously came for rescue (as he does always )and he asked “W hat would make you fell better now? “ I responded “I want to be able to feed my child and even have extra stored” he took my hand said “if you picture it and don’t give up,  that can be a reality “ after that words I remember faith came in to my heart that no matter what I can do it, it took me about  few weeks of research and trying different things.One day I open the fridge and there was  more milk then Sophie needed, it was an action of faith and God  gave me so much happiness about it that I feed her for 1,5 years ( if you ask me I would do 2 years haha) .

what I’ve learned from this experience that sometimes life gives you unexpected an unplanned  circumstances that you have to deal with , of course that can  overwhelm you but I encourage you to stay strong, keep your hope and continuously pray.

There were times that I was feeling like a  failure. but one thing that kept me going was  reminding myself Gods word and his promises , and I now understand that Its all about how you position yourself not how you feel . 

Now almost 3 years later  I’m thanking God for everything he has gave me , I now see how blessed I am to have my family, my little girl that gives me joy and makes me smile daily and how blessed I am to be were I am now . 

With this blog I want to share my story and this was the part of it, yet I haven’t talked about this on any platform . Its always really hard for me to open up about this topic and not cry, that’s why righting this down sounded like a better idea.

Till this day when I have some new ideas or after tough days I want to call or text my sister, often times I really need to just talk to her , but I stay strong in faith understanding that I will see her again and  that will be a hello for  forever .

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